If You Want It to Last

Marriage is a wonderful and glorious estate to achieve. I perform many weddings here in Columbus, Ohio and, as a wedding officiant and marriage coach, I believe it is among the highest of all human conditions and elevates a man and a woman to a greater place than if they were alone. Romantic love between a man and woman leading to the committed love of marriage is truly amazing. Nothing will affect your life more than your own marriage if entered into seriously. But marriage gets hard. You have seen it. So often it starts out in a way that appears to be easy, but then....reality sets in. Knowledge and self-education can help you keep it together.

I have a statement that I like to use during the Marriage FoundationsTM classes we offer for those who want their marriage to last for life. It is simply, "You will sacrifice major portions of yourself FOR your marriage; OR you will sacrifice your marriage". There is no middle ground. It is the blending of two unique lives and both must contribute to make the marriage survive and thrive. Often, it is not easy but the rewards are profound and lifelong.

Turning Conflict into Dialogue Part 2 of 2

As a marriage coach and wedding officiant in Columbus Ohio, it is my aim to not only officiate for couples on their wedding day, but to strengthen marriages for life as well. This is part 2 of 2 of an earlier entry.

It takes two to tango.

Both must be willing to discuss matters even though communication styles most likely differ in significant ways. You need to talk and communicate in marriage regularly and consistently and abide by the “rules” of healthy dialogue.

An argument can lead to dialogue, but if it does not then it usually involves blame, shame and proving who is right and who is wrong. It is a win/lose scenario where somebody wins and the other party loses, and in marriage since the goal should be to discover ways to strengthen your relationship nobody wins if somebody is out to win. The one who “wins” may feel good and validated as a person in the short run, but lose intimacy with the other in the long run. This is very dangerous to your marriage.

When you find yourself arguing about something pose the question, “Can we dialogue about this instead?” Better yet, when there is a point of potential contention that is important to you to discuss, ask your marriage partner, “Can we get together to dialogue about something?” and then schedule a definite time to talk. Schedule it immediately if possible; not “whenever”.

Healthy dialogue builds a relationship and says to your marriage partner, “I respect and love you.”  By making dialogue the primary way to communicate in your relationship you will build a stronger, happier, healthier marriage…even when your conflicting ideas and disagreements still exist. Over time as you continue to practice the respect dialogue brings, many of your disagreements will get worked out.

Practice healthy dialogue for the future of your marriage and your relationship.

Marriage Insights - Saving Your Marriage

One of my favorite books to recommend to couples is "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman, PhD.

In chapter one page 4 he shares some insights on marriage and divorce. Let' read some of his thoughts:

"The chances of a first marriage ending in divorce over a forty-year period is 67%. Half of all divorces will occur in the first seven years. Some studies find the divorce rate for second marriages is as much as 10 percent higher than for first-timers."

"The chance of getting a divorce remains so high that it makes sense for all married couples-including those who are currently satisfied with their relationship-to put extra effort into their marriages to keep them strong."

One reason that I provide premarital and post-marital coaching is that I really care about your relationship and want your marriage to not only survive, but thrive.

Don't be fooled. No matter how much you love your fiance or spouse, to keep your marriage strong requires knowledge, work, and effort. It will not "just happen" all by itself. The work however, is well worth the lasting benefits of a strong and happy relationship that will affect so many areas of your life.